(no subject)

[oakenguy]

I had a dream last night that D had broken up with me and I'd gotten so drunk that I'd blacked out the last MONTH of my life. No memory of what I'd done. None. Whatsoever.

But apparently I'd been very busy, because the house was bustling and full of people because I was getting married! In four hours!! To someone I'd never heard of!!!

I was Mr. Smooth in trying to find out information, too. "So, what do you think of...um..." "Rhonda?" "Yes! (I think)."

It kept getting worse and worse, too. "None of the Pastimes people are coming?" "Well, no, not after that thing with Jane."

Yeesh. My nightmares are getting much more creative.

Comments

[heavenscalyx.livejournal.com]

Oh, Oaken! What a... creative nightmare. It sounds like the sort of thing I'd run as a game, actually. *takes notes*

[fightguy.livejournal.com]

"Well, no, not after that thing with Jane."

What, your team juggling act?

;^)

[godswraith.livejournal.com]

hey, I have learned not to judge. i will be there for you and Rhonda. But I will still be freinds with Jane, after all, she did get me pregnant once, that lends a certain bit of intimacy to our relationship.

[lediva.livejournal.com]

Ooh. Oh, man... a cocktail party LARP! :)

[heavenscalyx.livejournal.com]

Cocktail party + Baron Munchausen

"Well, no, none of them are here. Not after that thing with Jane. She still hasn't recovered from the tentacles."

[lediva.livejournal.com]

Are you serious?

From what I've heard, the tentacles are the ones with the severe trauma.

[heavenscalyx.livejournal.com]

Well, yes, of course, after the multiple sword wounds. I still can't get the ichor out of that tabard and, dammit, it was one of my favorites.

I think she's just still upset about the permanent sucker marks on her forehead.

[lediva.livejournal.com]

I keep telling her, a little makeup will cover those right up.

Or heck... get some tattoos to accentuate them!

[heavenscalyx.livejournal.com]

Speaking of tattoos and accentuation, have you heard about Dagmar's latest romantic adventure?

[lediva.livejournal.com]

Um... which one?

[heavenscalyx.livejournal.com]

Oh, this was just this past weekend. I was hoping you'd heard more. I only heard vague references to Elder Gods, cross-species genetic interchange, and a Black & Decker toolkit.

[lediva.livejournal.com]

Huh. No, I was out with beetiger this past weekend, I'm only now catching up on news and such.

But, um... that'd certainly explain the 36-hour blackout we ran into. And the uneasy tone of voice the NYSEG customer care person had when I innocently asked if they knew what'd caused the issue.

[heavenscalyx.livejournal.com]

Oh, my.

Leave it to her. I'm still pretty positive that big-ass blackout like three years ago was her fault.

[lediva.livejournal.com]

Oh, no kidding.

I keep trying to tell her, if she'd just fess up to these things, she could keep doing them and go completely legit as a coordinator of disaster drills. I mean... it's not like the D-word hasn't already been associated with her love life for a while anyway. And it's like getting paid for sex without having to worry about those pesky anti-prostitution laws!

[ah42.livejournal.com]

kooks, all of you.

[flopart.livejournal.com]

ha, that sounds like a weird movie. like big fat greek wedding meets i don't even know what. :P

[heavenscalyx.livejournal.com]

I can see it now, "Dagmar Disasters, Inc.: Come to us when you want a masterful disaster!" It certainly lends a twist to her moonlighting career. You did hear about her gig with the Unnamed Mysterious Celebrity Who Shall Not Be Named, didn't you? The whole thing about having to dress up as some alien? When she even had to bring her own cottage cheese, frosting pipe, and Kitchen Aid, the cheapskate!

I bet she's somehow behind his latest stupidity about antidepressants. Oh! Whoops! I shouldn't have said that, should I?

[lediva.livejournal.com]

Gah, it'd figure... she always did like controversy for controversy's sake.

And how did she not tell me about this celebrity gig? This is the first I'm hearing about it! Feh, I told her she needs to come up with better cover stories for these things. Just you wait... this is going to end up in some trashy tabloid within a month.

Or else... well, wait for a tabloid building to just sort of, um... subtly explode into 8 billion pieces. I hear the tabloids tend to take things like that more seriously than your average legal cease & desist.

[heavenscalyx.livejournal.com]

We can hope that it's an annoying tabloid that, er, someone reduces to its component particles. Subtly. I don't know why she didn't tell you about it -- she's been playing coy with a lot of her better stuff lately. I still can't get all the skinny on that thing with the volcano god in Mexico a few months ago. Did you hear about it? Or d'you think maybe "someone else" has more of line on it? *nudge nudge wink wink*

[lediva.livejournal.com]

*sigh* I hope she's not still pissed at me after the whole Cupid fiasco. I thought she was over it, but it wouldn't surprise me in the least to find she's still just sore enough about it to give me the silent treatment.

At this point, I'd be shocked if there was somebody who knows less Dagmar gossip than me. :P

And um... "annoying tabloid", is there really any other kind?

[heavenscalyx.livejournal.com]

Were you behind the Cupid thing? She was still spitting up feathers a month later, and was too pissy to explain it all to me. Bette had to tell me. Maybe you could send her some nice... I dunno, computer accessory. One of those nifty interactive webcams you cooked up a couple-three months ago, maybe. You know she's a sucker for that sort of thing. You'll have her all over your desktop for weeks.

Some tabloids are merely... entertaining. And, hey, I can't say too much bad about them. I learned to read on them.

[lediva.livejournal.com]

I dunno... having Dagmar on my desktop for weeks sounds potentially hazardous. :)

And, um... about the Cupid thing... I'm not going to plead the Fifth (mostly because I'm pretty sure it doesn't apply to whatever jurisdiction she'd drag me into if she suspected anything), but I will say this much: She should really know better than to think a Roman deity _isn't_ going to be a rules lawyer.

[heavenscalyx.livejournal.com]

Hey, at least I didn't say that she'd be on your laptop.

*badump-bump-ching!*

So, is that where the arrow in the glass case on the wall of her flat in London came from?

[lediva.livejournal.com]

That one, yeah.

I... y'know, I could have gone another lifetime without seeing quite that vividly, an example of the so-called fine line between love and hate. *shudder*

Cupid would have been coughing up arrows for months... if she'd left him any significant portion of his digestive tract.

But I still maintain it wasn't my fault! At least _I_ wasn't the one who dared her to drunk-dial her old high school principal.

[heavenscalyx.livejournal.com]

Do deities even have digestive tracts? I suspect you're in a position to know this bit of trivia, even if it's only regarding Roman deities.

Isn't her old high school principal that one-eyed demon-science-charged assassin guy she mentions now and then?

[lediva.livejournal.com]

Do deities even have digestive tracts?

Well, I certainly wasn't going to examine the detritus too closely, but the chunk I peeled off my sweater that night at home certainly _looked_ digestive in nature.

Isn't her old high school principal that one-eyed demon-science-charged assassin guy she mentions now and then?

Oh, like you've forgotten.

"Yeah, yeah! Call him up! Tell him what you really think of him! Do it!"

To this day, I still pause momentarily right before CNN when I'm channel-surfing because of the memory of the live footage of that little fracas you caused.

[heavenscalyx.livejournal.com]

Oh, come on, you can't still be sore about that. I was drunk off my ass too, so I can't really be blamed. I didn't even know who it was I was egging her on to call.

And I wasn't the one that called the news van in the first place.

At least I got a neat scar out of it all. Even if it does come with flashbacks.

[lediva.livejournal.com]

I was drunk off my ass too, so I can't really be blamed.

Um... whose idea was it again to try Jello shots of tequila and ambrosia?

Yeah, I thought so.

And I keep telling you... I thought I was ordering pizza. Besides, since when does someone calling up the local NBC affiliate and asking for an "extra-large deep dish" necessitate sending a news crew?

Believe me, Ms. "Neat Scar", I appreciate your apprehension about the media as much as anyone... but I'm still not sure trying to punch out the satellite dish was the smartest idea you've ever had.

[heavenscalyx.livejournal.com]

Okay, well, I only added the ambrosia when I couldn't find any vodka, and it did have a spectacular kick, didn't it?

And how was I to know that the satellite dish was on? And that somehow, the radio noise from my little tete-a-tete with it would be interpreted as a launch code for that stupid missile Chet had in his basement? Who keeps a missile in his basement anyway?

So I'm sorry you blew your secret identity on national television when you went to stop it, but you know, secret identities are so damned passe anyway -- you barely even hit the tabloids with that, and only because that one in England hadn't figured out who you were already. The cameras would have been so much more interested with Dagmar's little striptease if you had just been a little more subtle about your getaway. And hey, you got a date with the chick from that movie -- what the hell was it called? -- out of it -- she even wore the eyepatch for you you said!

[lediva.livejournal.com]

Who keeps a missile in his basement anyway?

Well, obviously Chet did! His mom still won't let him anywhere near the MIT Flea after that. It's funny, I'd always heard that some of the stuff there was... grey-market, but damn.

secret identities are so damned passe anyway

*sigh* Listen, we've had this conversation before... I just liked having the option of keeping things separate. I mean, now I have to declare the hero income on my taxes, and do you have any idea how hard it is to collect receipts from defeated villains? It's not like they're all that talkative after being beaten into submission, or dropped into an active volcano, or whatnot.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm still pleased that I was able to work out a flex-time deal at work... but I'm kinda sick of hearing the spandex jokes behind my back. And getting asked "So how many children did you save this time?" stopped being funny a long time ago... gah. Let's see... I'm late to the office, and obviously grumpy and groggy. Yeah, clearly, I just pulled a bus of nuns off a cliff in Andorra or something! Like a superhero can't have a late night partying just like everyone else?

you barely even hit the tabloids with that, and only because that one in England hadn't figured out who you were already.

There's still a difference between speculation and official confirmation!

You don't see oakenguy going around saying "Oh, yeah... that whole morphing thing? Totally true," do you? No, because we both know it's something he'd prefer not get into the public forum. (This entry is friends-locked, right?)

And hey, you got a date with the chick from that movie -- what the hell was it called? -- out of it -- she even wore the eyepatch for you you said!

Well... yeah. But the whole "FRIGGA (http://www.askewreviews.com/adults/one_eye.htm) KEEPS HER EYE ON 'DIVA" meme just was really stupid. I mean... c'mon, you're a writer. How can people possibly come up with such hackneyed crap? Even for Gawker, it was a lame title.

And, um... *cough* ix-nay on the atch-pay, OK? Vicki would kill me if she knew I actually got that far with her.

[heavenscalyx.livejournal.com]

Okay, look, I understand the tax thing. Do I ever. Have any idea how much my accountant racks in off me every year just to track lab purchases? She's had to get familiar with the tax laws of five different countries just to keep up with the ancillary headquarters and... well, anyway, I'm just sayin', some of us have a little more pain than just coping with hero income declarations. But I grant you the receipt problem. That last time I tried to get something from that alien invasion? I spent six months tasting colors just from boarding the mothership.

Oh, the jokes. But how often are they right? Or close to right? I remember the nun bus.

And, dude, this entry is SO not friendslocked. I'm sure Oaken will thank you later. Personally. Watch out when you go to sit down in your desk chair.

The meme WAS stupid. You remember my big, long, bitchy rant about it, don't you? People trying to attribute crap to me really pisses me off.

Also: Oh. Okay. Um. Sorry.

[lediva.livejournal.com]

Hey, the nun bus was fun... but seriously, that's SO 2003. What about the stuff I've done since then? Y'know, for a culture that's known for its short collective memory, they've sure hung onto that with a vice grip.

Of course, when it comes to the Crimson Cape awards... then I'm suddenly a nobody. Bah.

And, um... crap. We just had a power-out here at work (I didn't think Dagmar was in Mass this week) and I had to go babysit servers for the past hour and a half. My chair, hell... everything on my desk was out of my sight for all that time. Oaken, if you get this comment (or, um... if you're reading this over my shoulder right now), you know I have nothing but the utmost respect for you and your privacy, right? I mean, you can just delete that comment if you want. It won't happen again, I swear!

[heavenscalyx.livejournal.com]

Well, it's called "stereotyping", I think. Once you save a bunch of nuns and get headlines, everyone remembers you as the mask that saved the nuns.

Shall I call you next time I get word about an alien invasion? Can you do the space thing? I can't keep track of your powers these days -- have you ever got them to settle down to one profile? I know Dagmar meant well with that fruit-of-the-gods thing, but it's played merry hell with I don't know how many people's heads (and bodies, and extradimensional attributes).

I think Dagmar's actually in Hong Kong today, though she was due to fly back to the States sometime tomorrow. You're gonna have to figure out some other reason for the power outage.

[lediva.livejournal.com]

Well, um... *looks embarrassed*

I mean, I still think asking for "cat powers" was a great idea overall. But yeah, it does tend to lead to "Oh, this would be cool!" "Oh, that would be cool, too!" sorts of power distributions. I'll help where I can next time the aliens come around, but I don't so much do heights.

...shut up. It's not funny.

[heavenscalyx.livejournal.com]

*snirfff* No, no, of course it's not funny.

I'm sure there'll be ground action. There always is.

It could be worse. You could have ended up like Larry.

Or Meg. I still try to go by and water her in dry seasons.

[lediva.livejournal.com]

Yeah, well... you get what you wish for, sometimes.

I mean, there's something to be said for wanting to be able to put down roots somewhere... but it's probably not the best request to be made when superpowers and deities are involved. Which reminds me... is Meg supposed to flower this year, or is she biennial? I keep forgetting.

Larry was just asking for it, as far as I'm concerned.

[heavenscalyx.livejournal.com]

She flowers this year. It should be nice. Did you know her flowers are white streaked with red? I always said she wasn't the Polly Pureheart she pretended to be.

As far as Larry's concerned, I mean, there's asking for it, and then there's asking for it.

I understand the zoo is very pleased with their rare display item.

[lediva.livejournal.com]

I always said she wasn't the Polly Pureheart she pretended to be.

Sweetheart, the Virgin Mary wasn't the Polly Pureheart Meg pretended to be.

As for Larry, have they reopened his wing yet? It's been a while since I smirked at him, and I'm feeling overdue. Care to join me? We should probably go in civvies... and remember, wear a hat.

[heavenscalyx.livejournal.com]

It's amazing what stories about Meg have started to surface since everything happened. Have you had the pleasure of meeting her roommates? They're quite the trio, really, and have some fascinating dirt on Meg.

I think they have, in fact, opened it up. I would adore a trip to the zoo. Civvies, check. Hat, check. Too bad they won't let us have pokey sticks in there. Smirking just isn't as satisfying as getting a good squawk out of him.

[(Anonymous)]

here's the thing..you are either young and totally oblivious...or old and stupid. Your rantings are self serving and, typical of young and, self absorbed, or old and just plane ignorant. You are not looked upon as something special...we really don't care what you think....your silly writing, trying so hrd to be different, just doesn't make it. Get off you're ass. Study. Get a job and try to make someone who may care for you, happy. If not. Get a bedroll and live on a park bench with hundreds of other so called enlightened souls. The sad thing is...way down deep...you know you are full of crap. Regards////

[oakenguy.livejournal.com]

Let me guess...finding_jay? I can't think of any other unstable strangers I might've pissed off recently.

Whoever you are, watching you try to condescend when you a) obviously know nothing about me and b) have only a vague notion of the english language is funny. Good luck in the future. (If this is how you interact with people, you'll need it.)

When editors go bad.

[jesshartley.livejournal.com]

Can't control the need to edit!

Here, let me help:

"Dear Oakenguy,

Here's my opinion: you are either young and totally oblivious, or old and stupid. Your rants are self-serving and typical of either the young and self-absorbed, or else the old and just plain ignorant.

You are not looked upon as something special--we (we being the anonymously-posting LJ lurker community) really don't care what you think. Your silly writing, in which you are trying so hard to be different, just doesn't make it.

I believe you should get off your ass, study, and get a job so you can try to make someone who may care for you happy.

If not, perhaps you should get a bedroll and live on a park bench with hundreds of other so-called enlightened souls.

The sad thing is--way down deep--you know you are full of crap.

And I know it, because I spend my days ranting anonymously on people's LJs with generic cut-and-paste criticisms that have nothing to do with their previous post. This, along with my poor English, grammar and punctuation skills, makes me imminantly qualified to judge as, as the schoolyard cliche so aptly states, "It takes one to know one."

Regards, A. Loser"

[superrob.livejournal.com]

Regards, eh?

From an anonymous coward who can't figure the proper context for "plane" or "you're"? Pick up a dictionary, slam yourself in the head with it a few times, and then OPEN it and READ it.
Let's all take bets on which does you the most good: Blunt trauma or study.

Regards indeed, sir or madam, and a word of advice should you intend to pursue the above option most likely to do you a lick of good: Buy lots of aspirin.

Now, off with you. The "suffering of fools gladly" portion of our day is over.

[godswraith.livejournal.com]

Oh lets track down this one, since all Ip addresses are recorded, lets get this coward and do him some good.

[malterre.livejournal.com]

Seconded!

[silveroak.livejournal.com]

sounds just like my troll from months ago, except its IP led me to the UK