(no subject)

[oakenguy]

Quick question first: what do you do when there's someone on your flist making really bad decisions, and knowing they're making bad decisions and sorta-laughing about how dumb they are, and not stopping? Do you confront them? Delete them? Or just skim their posts and wince and keep your fingers crossed for them?

It's now Day 4 of Deb being away in Seattle having adventures with bears and me schlumfing around the house with a borrowed X-box and two dogs trying to telepathically manipulate me into maxing out my credit card on meatzza pizzas and cheesy bread. (Like that takes much convincing.) It's fascinating how we reinforce each others' bad behavior...for example, with Deb gone, NONE of us like rain. There've been a couple times this week where we've gotten all saddled up for walks, gotten the leashes, the harnesses, the bags, gotten as far as the porch...and come to a quick unspoken consensus to go back inside and try again an hour later when we saw how wet it was outside.

I've been sleeping on the 'guest bed', an air mattress in the living room (for easier access to the TV and the X-box, of course); we seem to've come to an agreement that when the mattress is fully inflated it's my territory, but once it's half-deflated or more (which takes about four hours) it's Dogland. Toby in particular LOVES it half-inflated...I think it makes him feel like he's tough enough to make craters wherever he steps.

Comments

[lediva.livejournal.com]

*perk* Borrowed X-box? :)

Sunday fell through due to exhaustion and work for me... but we should still totally get together and hang out. I'll bring cherry whiskey!

[godswraith.livejournal.com]

In regards to bad decisions, my advice is just let it run its course unless its dangerous physically. Sadly, advice unsought is rarely welcomed. Actually even when saought its rarely welcomed!

[sistahraven.livejournal.com]

I will usually chime in with some suggestions, and leave it at that. No one changes their behaviour unless they want to, sadly. I'm having similar problems on my flist - I've said my peace to them in regards to a better course of action, and beyond that I just skip past their detailed descriptions of how irresponsible they're being.

Then I shoot pixels, repeatedly to relieve the stress of watching someone ruin their own life :P

[heavenscalyx.livejournal.com]

Skim and wince.

How long will Deb be gone? You want to do dinner tomorrow night? We haven't seen you in forever.

[morgan-lafaye.livejournal.com]

As for the person making bad decisions. Try to let them know and help where you can, then if they contnue well you did what you could. Enjoy the x-box and tv nights while they last.

[malterre.livejournal.com]

first: what do you do when there's someone on your flist making really bad decisions, and knowing they're making bad decisions and sorta-laughing about how dumb they are, and not stopping?
Well then, clearly they have hopped the train to dumbfuck land and all you can do is wave and throw confetti. I skim in case there is something I can report to the police. Otherwise, on to customers_suck!

Safe travels this weekend and *HUG*

[oakenguy.livejournal.com]

We should! I was equally dazed & confused on Sunday...lack of sleep at night = much sleep in the daytime! Who knew?!

[kittybrat.livejournal.com]

Just because someone can see himself making mistakes and laughs at it does not mean they've "hopped the train to dumbfuck land", nor does it mean that a friend can'd do more than "wave and throw confetti". Sometimes it's really hard to break out of a cycle of making stupid decisions, ESPECIALLY when you can see them coming.

[oakenguy.livejournal.com]

Deb's actually coming back at sunrise tomorrow morning!

Dinner soon would be very welcome, though. And y'know, when I read the description of 'Samurai 7.0' over at www.beaujest.com, you were the first person I thought of?

[kittybrat.livejournal.com]

Quick question first: what do you do when there's someone on your flist making really bad decisions, and knowing they're making bad decisions and sorta-laughing about how dumb they are, and not stopping? Do you confront them? Delete them? Or just skim their posts and wince and keep your fingers crossed for them?

This is kind of a sticky situation, as I have been not only in your position, but also in the position of the mistake-making friend. I would say that as long as they aren't making bad decisions that aren't dangerous to themself or others (meaning, they aren't saying anything about killing/hurting themselves or someone else), I would just kind of skim and wince. But then, sometimes when I see someone like that, I feel the need to comment and let them know what I think they should do, in their own best interest... but I don't come out and say it as if it's advice... not always, anyway.

Whatever you feel you should do at the time, do it. Even if it means defriending them.

[lediva.livejournal.com]

Full week without uninterrupted sleep = wanting to fall over on Wednesday. Who knew?

But yes... I have video games (Karaoke Revolution!) and much media at my place, or I can come visit you, but I'd need to medicate so I make my saving throw vs. animal dander.

[khep.livejournal.com]

Agreed.

[godswraith.livejournal.com]

Gads you are so sexy when you think I'm right! ;0

[coscaram.livejournal.com]

Maybe you could suggest some options, in their decision making process. Beyond that, it's kind of out of your hands. If they're making honest mistakes, stand by with some chocolate and sympathetic ear.
If they're going out of their way to be dumb, then you have a decision to make.

[malterre.livejournal.com]

I have tried to save more friends than I can count. Inevitably if they see it AND ignore it then WRITE about rather than talk or seek help it has turned from a plea for help into the 'self immolation roadshow' and any attempts to help will just get you burned and made into a pariah.

[malterre.livejournal.com]

Just so you don't think I'm a completely heartless individual, I present this trainwreck. I had enough and when his ex called me in a panic I set the police on him.

You are right, it's a case-by-case basis.

Re:what do you do when there's someone on your flist making really bad decisions

[lilacsinmarch.livejournal.com]

These things are always hard but that depends on how much you know the person, do you know them in RL and so can dare to try and tell them how you feel about what they are doing?
Sometimes it is better not to say anything and sometimes you just can't help yourself. if you do choose to say something be gentle about it, people do not like being told off, even if it means that you care.
By they way, sometimes people will tell you stuff just to hear you say something about it so that they will feel that someone cares even if they keep on making mistake after mistake and being aware of it. These are emotional vampires and you should be careful of them.

[xcentrikka.livejournal.com]

I don't think LJ is really the forum for unsolicited advice. I mean, it would be like ripping through someone's diary and making red marks. Sure, this is a semi public space, but people use it for venting and don't necessarily need to be told how to fix things.

That said, sometimes it is really hard to watch people make the same mistakes over and over. But that's part of having a friend (on LJ and in real life)--accepting their weaknesses along with their strengths (even when it's annoying or upsetting). Or I think so anyway.

[callunav.livejournal.com]

Profer my own perspective twice, in different ways, then stop. I generally don't stop reading until it's been six months and nothing's changed for the better.

[snowwand.livejournal.com]

I've been having some similar thoughts...wonder if its about the same people? Hmm...

And, whats this? Making dinner plans? *pout*

I'll even bring something to add to the table...I've got all kinds of cool cookbooks. But, on the other hand...you, Deb, and Rob could come over to my place sometime soon and partake of food off of my shiney new plates.

They definately make me smile on these disgusting days.

[superrob.livejournal.com]

I'd be up for that... Sorry, between rehearsals and the sudden resurgence of my social life, I'm all harried. We will hang out soon. Promise.

[snowwand.livejournal.com]

And dance!

I feel the need to twirl.

[ursula-lear.livejournal.com]

It depends on how close I am to him, and how much the other person is enjoying himself. Some posts are cries for help, and I would respond with a query if he wants advice, or a shoulder, or a donut. Then I would go forward or back off, as the situation warrants. However, if the other person is only in it for the drama, then I shrug and read on, depending on the entertainment value to myself.

[kittybrat.livejournal.com]

Perhaps these people weren't looking for your help to "save" them. People in these situations don't need to be saved, and trying to save them just makes you into a cowboy sometimes. Sometimes you have to fade away and end friendships, sometimes you just have to step back for a little while until they pull themselves out, sometimes you can help them by talking to them; it all depends on the person and their relationship with you.

And I'm not disagreeing with what you're saying, I just think it's rather harsh to say they've "hopped the train to dumbfuck land". By saying something like that, it shows that you have no compassion for those in trouble (not saying you have to constantly feel bad for them - that's depressing - but that compassion is lacking), which means that you wouldn't be able to save them anyway.

[kittybrat.livejournal.com]

Oh no, I didn't think you were heartless or anything... god no. heh. I already sent another comment to you above.

Not sure I really want to read that, but maybe I will at some point. :)