(no subject)

[oakenguy]

You know how sometimes all it takes is a simple sentence, and as soon as you read it you can hear the dinging bells and screeching metal that tells you that a trainwreck's about to happen? You know, things like "Here's the YouTube video of my Pentacostal church's mime troupe performing at the Vietnam War Memorial", or "'Saved By the Bell' star's sex tape leaked to internet"? Another sentence like that just hit my e-mail.

BOSTON CASTING ANNOUNCES OPEN CASTING CALL FOR NEW SPIKE TV REALITY SHOW
'AMERICA'S BIGGEST A**HOLE'

Spike TV: Making Media Critics Cry Since 1993.

But surely there must be more to the story, can't there? Let's take a look at the full ad:

Can you irritate a perfect stranger? Are you quick on your feet? Can you handle a very strong personality? Are you a practical joker?

Do your friends tell you that you have all the charm of Vince Vaughn, Denis Leary, and Stiffler rolled into one*?

EVEN THOUGH SOME PEOPLE** THINK YOU ARE HYSTERICAL, DO YOU HAPPEN TO PISS A LOT OF PEOPLE OFF?***
Win cash, fame, and respect for your ability to say what mere mortals could only dream of saying! Audition for the new reality show 'America's Biggest A**Hole'!
Come to one of the Open Calls, bring a photo and bio, and tell us your story!

Here, to me, is where this stops being a tacky social experiment and possible Darwin Award and becomes a nightmare: the casting call is nine hours long.

Nine hours. Think about any audition you've gone to, with people doing vocal warm-ups, going over their lines, sizing each other up. And now imagine that everyone in the hallway is a self-identified asshole, eager to show off and impress the judges. Eager to stand out from everyone else.

What I'm getting at is, I would not want to be a Boston Casting**** intern this week for any amount of money in the world.






*I would bet good money that this sentence has never, ever, ever been uttered to anyone. At least, not without air quotes around "charm".

**Translation: "drunks in your frat, and people who are afraid of you"

***Did you note how that question's in all caps? As if this, out of the entire pitch, is the sentence meant to draw the eye of people walking past the poster? Not CASH, not FAME, no, their lure, their siren song, is to people who will think "Hey, *I* piss people off! This flyer is relevant to my interests!"

****Boston Casting, btw, is also recruiting women 6'1 and taller for a scene in Brendan Fraser's upcoming film, "Furry Vengeance". I am not making this up.

Comments

[saxikath]

Nine...hours.

Ow.

[modpixie.livejournal.com]

I've worked with people who would be ideal for this.

[heavenscalyx.livejournal.com]

I bet many of the people who were at casting calls for "The Weakest Link" will be attending these calls.

Body armor for the interns. Or Boston police on speed-dial. For those little physical clashes that might or might not turn into a full-scale riot.

[magickcat.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I got those. I got the tall woman one first and actually sent it to a friend of mine because she is super tall and I thought she would at the VERY least, get a kicl out of the name...

The second one.... I had to use all of my power and might to NOT send it to a few people. :-P

[malterre.livejournal.com]

But so many are qualified....

[st-andrews-girl.livejournal.com]

To point ****: My mom and I used to play a game we called "Imagine the casting call" where we'd try to write the description they put out for a small role that required a certain physical appearance and then imagined they people that *didn't* get the part.

To the rest, I have to wonder if the 9 hour audience is to put them in a tense situation and see who becomes an entertaining asshole and who becomes a punchy one.

[sistahraven.livejournal.com]

My first thought?

I know just the guy to audition.

[bulrogue.livejournal.com]

There could be two ways about this.
First, the natural a**hole, who comes in trying to get the part.
And the second, the kind you tell can't possibly fit, and then their a**hole-ity comes out...

[moria923.livejournal.com]

At least this made me laugh! You're right, that audition sounds like a nightmare.

[thorbol.livejournal.com]

Maybe the casting call should be nine days, weeks, or years. That would get the folks who know they're assholes off the streets, and probably would bring others out of denial. There'd still be many assholes left to bother us (or you if I'm in denial), but just not *as* many.