Jun. 15th, 2011

So it was checkup time last Friday, and I discovered that the health clinic where I go has begun using something called MyChart, that lets me do things like get my lab results myself.

Which, as it turns out, is oddly stressful. I log in to where all the tests are named, one by one, and I have to click on each one, one at a time, and see what the result of each individual test is. (Followed by some quick googling to understand what I just read.) No clue as to whether the test is good news or bad news, no smiley face or little thumbs up/thumbs down icon, so each time I click the link to a new test I find myself holding my breath like I'm at a blackjack table watching the dealer flip the last card over.

It's not fair for me to say that I miss the old days--I'm a bit phone-phobic, and that skyrocketed each time it was the hospital or my doctor calling me. Like, "Oops, I dropped the phone in the river. AGAIN." I guess how I'd like to get my medical results is through some sort of immediate and clear sign. Like a delivery of flowers, or a puppy holding a card that says "Your health is PAWsome!" And if there's some bad news, pretty much the same delivery method, but the news can be like the prize inside a cereal box, only bad. And by "cereal box" I mean bottle of rum. It can say something like "Now that you've drunk this far, let's talk about your colon..."

(Oh, for the record, all the tests came back fine. Even the ones about my cholesterol intake, which were a bit of a surprise. )



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