This morning was a smash!

Dear Neighbors: Everything's cool, we're not actually fighting. Or having a Greek wedding, for that matter.

Dear Birds: We meant nothing but the best for you, honest. Please do not fear us and our clumsy, clumsy ways.

Dear Plate Which So Recently Held Bits of Bread: You served us long and faithfully. Please believe us when we say it wasn't on purpose. It's not you, it's us. (Well, maybe if you'd been a little less slippery...no, no, that's blaming the victim.)