Notes from a Graduation

[oakenguy]

My nephew graduated this weekend from Fryeburg Academy. It was held indoors, in their new gym, and the AC gave up about 30 minutes into the two hour ceremony. I took notes for this post as the proceedings droned on, as a way to keep myself from passing out.

Note 1: 'Pomp and Circumstance' is being played by a single pianist?!? WTF? The whole POINT of having a concert band is so you can chain them into their seats and force them to play the damn thing for the first three years of their high school career.

Not that I'm still bitter.

And not that the 2nd flute part is one of the most boring pieces of music ever inflicted on woodwind players or anything. Though it is. "Duh duh duuuuuuuh, fuh fuh fuhhhhhhh, duhhhhh duhhhhh fuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh".

Note 2: There are awkward first names to have in a small Maine town, and then there's "Jihad". Oh wow. Good luck in life, Jihad Hasan. Ordinarily I'd save my WTF moment for whoever named their child "Talon", but you're head and shoulders beyond that.

Note 3: No commencement speaker. Huh. Instead they have 3 "Class Speakers", graduating seniors.

Oh boy, they're communicating entirely through in-jokes and shout-outs to their friends. Speaker A: "I promise, this speech is gonna be shorter than Nathan Richardson!" THIS won't get old.

Speaker B:"...and I also want to salute Mr. Otrowski, who had a Simpsons quote for every occasion..." Ohmigod, I might have been wrong.

Speaker C: "...and I look forward to going to Broadway and seeing Jen Greer on stage, while Billy Hsu plays in the band..." GAAAH MAKE THEM STOP MAKE THEM STOP

Note 3: Just past the one hour mark. I think the temperature in the room just hit 100. Oh goodie, awards. This'll be brief. They can't have more than what, five?

Note 3a: Uh-oh, they're bringing up the head of the board of trustees to announce a new award. It's for alumni blahblah...wait, what? Living and DEAD?

Note 3b: 1000 PEOPLE TRAPPED IN AN OVEN AND YOU'RE GIVING OUT AWARDS TO DEAD PEOPLE? You know what's nice about giving out awards to dead people? THEY DON'T MIND IF YOU WAIT FOR A YEAR WITH LOW TEMPERATURES!

Note 3c: One hour, 30 minutes. 11 dead people have (somehow) received awards, including the guy who invented Hopalong Cassidy. If I die from the heat, do I qualify for one?

Note 4: The t-shirt of the man in front of me reads "Vegetarian: Old Indian word meaning Bad Hunter". Not Jihad's dad, I'm guessing.

Note 5: If I had one of those Italian Slush pushcarts and wheeled it up and down the aisles right now, I'd be a county-wide hero. And RICH.

Comments

[tendertalons.livejournal.com]

okay i can't stop laughing. this is AMAZING!
when your nephew gets older, you should give this to him as a gift.
xox

[oakenguy.livejournal.com]

They suck so much!!

And yet, they were always a breath of fresh air after marching band season. Sure, we were basically being handed the violin parts over and over again. But at least there was a chance, here and there, that someone might hear us. Maybe.

[elkster.livejournal.com]

Jihad? That's unfortunate!

[modpixie.livejournal.com]

did you liveblog your nephew's graduation?

if you did, you need to do this more.

[oakenguy.livejournal.com]

I livejotted, on the back of the program. (When I wasn't drawing a word balloon with 'HELP ME!' inside it and holding it up to my face to crack D up).

And you're right. I totally need to do this during more big public events.

[hermitgeecko.livejournal.com]

Pomp and Circumstance is even more boring on bass clarinet than on second flute.

I promise.

Damn near everything is more boring on bass clarinet.

[oakenguy.livejournal.com]

Oh wow, this is true.

Did you play it during marching band season, too? My friend Jane was very bitter about being made to carry her oboe around in parades.

[malinaldarose.livejournal.com]

The whole POINT of having a concert band is so you can chain them into their seats and force them to play the damn thing for the first three years of their high school career.

Aaaaaa! Flashback!!

[hazeleyedfae.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad I sucked so hard at instrument playing that the music teacher actually said I ought to try singing instead.

Because although I am sure there are wonderful stories, too, all I ever hear are the bad ones. :)