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Apr. 7th, 2003 01:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
oakenguyBecause I want this on record, and plan to die before any of y'all because, no offense, attending your funerals would SUCK, I hereby type:
What I Want Done With My Body.
Option 1: Stuff me with rocks and drop me off a tall building onto Jesse Helms. John Ashcroft is also acceptable.
Option 2: Have a normal service in a church and bill it as open casket, but mount the coffin on the ceiling and have it closed. Have the coffin rigged so that during the eulogies if anyone says the magic word (my vote goes for either "tragic" or "odd"), the lid pops open and my bungee-corded body swoops down to about eye level before getting sproinged back up into the box.
Option 2a: Have 'valets' take the car keys of mourners as they arrive. Let the service proceed as with Option 2, but.....pinata. 'Nuff said.
Option 3, the 'Make Sure Deb Never Dates Again' option: Stuffed and mounted on the couch in the living room. And please, see that I get one of those taxidermists who can give me the eyes that seem to be looking at you wherever you are in the room.
Oh, and as for the gravestone...those Eternal Flame thingies? Boo yeah. But gimme one that shoots a huge burst of fire twenty feet into the air at random intervals. It'll keep the groundskeepers on their toes.
What I Want Done With My Body.
Option 1: Stuff me with rocks and drop me off a tall building onto Jesse Helms. John Ashcroft is also acceptable.
Option 2: Have a normal service in a church and bill it as open casket, but mount the coffin on the ceiling and have it closed. Have the coffin rigged so that during the eulogies if anyone says the magic word (my vote goes for either "tragic" or "odd"), the lid pops open and my bungee-corded body swoops down to about eye level before getting sproinged back up into the box.
Option 2a: Have 'valets' take the car keys of mourners as they arrive. Let the service proceed as with Option 2, but.....pinata. 'Nuff said.
Option 3, the 'Make Sure Deb Never Dates Again' option: Stuffed and mounted on the couch in the living room. And please, see that I get one of those taxidermists who can give me the eyes that seem to be looking at you wherever you are in the room.
Oh, and as for the gravestone...those Eternal Flame thingies? Boo yeah. But gimme one that shoots a huge burst of fire twenty feet into the air at random intervals. It'll keep the groundskeepers on their toes.
