An annotated apology

[oakenguy]

Recently a mailing list I'm on had a mini-flamewar after a poster made some comments about weight. After a couple days of being jumped on he posted this, and I think it's an educational example of all the ways an "apology" can go horribly wrong.

Let's take a look:

I was wrong in the way I responded to the reply to my original post on the
Boston Globe article.  I apologize to anyone I have offended.  My writings
were in anger and disgust as everything I said seemed to be discounted due
to issues with weight.  I could have thought more before I acted and
responded (or not) in a more PC manner.  Even though I feel I could lose
another 5-10 pounds I am on the thinner end of the spectrum.  Being so I
often find myself in the position to hear whispered comments and opinions
from others on weight issues that would not be said in earshot of heavier
people.  Yet I seem to be the minority in having the courage to say it
publicly.  I have had this identical discussion on other boards.  Personally
the weight issue is a sexual turn off for me.  However I do have close
friends very dear to me that are large and some share the same view as
myself and some don't.  "Your kink is not ok with me but it's ok for it to
be ok for you".  A fundamental that is too often forgotten by myself.  For
that I sincerely apologize as it was not my right to speak out as harshly as
I did.

Okay, let's summarize the mistakes here, in no particular order:

* "I was wrong in the way I responded"...has an implicit 'however, my response, which was to say that I felt that fat people aren't attractive and shouldn't be out in public in revealing outfits, was still perfectly valid. I should just have phrased it better.'

* "responded in a more PC manner". This is the second time in a week I've seen 'PC' used as a synonym for 'not dumb and rude', and that's just because I haven't been looking.

* "I often find myself in the position to hear whispered comments...that would not be said in earshot" See, he's not being a jerk, he's actually a spy behind the lines of the thin, returning to pass on the information he's learned. Because of course heavy people never hear negative comments.

* "the courage to say it publicly". See 'not dumb and rude' confusion, above.

* "I have had this identical conversation on other boards." This is a warning sign, the internet equivalent of 'When six people tell you you're drunk, LIE DOWN.' But no.

* "I have close friends very dear to me..." blah blah. Basically this is, "I have good friends who're black!" It was a sad line in the Sixties, it's a sad line now.

Comments

Re: yeah but...

[freyja.livejournal.com]

yeah, i agree that most opinions like that it's just better if kept to one's self. like i said, nobody's mind is changed. but at least he tried in his awkward way to apologize... *eh*

(don't expect any proper grammar from this chick)